A "Quick Fix for Misbehavin' Kids"?
By Mac Bledsoe
Ever since I began teaching parenting skills almost 26
years ago, one of the most common fallacies that I have encountered is
the mistaken idea in the heads of so many parents that there is some
great "Quick Fix" for raising kids that are well behaved, self-assured
and well adjusted. There is no short cut! Raising kids who are
self-assured, well adjusted, self-directed and well behaved requires
that parents make permanent and reasoned changes in the way that they
relate to their children! In the same way that fad diets help people to
lose weight only to regain it immediately; "Quick-Fix" parenting
techniques usually result in failure to bring about long-term and
meaningful changes in the behaviors of children.
The key to making the Parenting with Dignity Program (or
any other parenting program) work lies in permanently changing the
manner in which you communicate with and relate to your children! In our
program there are assignment sheets that go with each lesson. To make
the program work in your family and in your community, every parent in
class must do the assignments with their own children during the week
between classes. Then the next week the parents must begin class by
discussing the results of their attempts at using the skills taught in
the last lesson. Most often the parents in the class will find that they
learn more from the things that they try and that don't work than they
learn from the things that do work! In the process of correcting the
things that don't work they will be internalizing their own skills and
thoughts. Also, many classes find that as their class reaches the second
week, the discussion takes so much time that they postpone some or all
of class two in order to discuss the results from the first lesson. In
doing this they may find that it takes longer to complete the course but
in the long run the permanent changes that they make will ultimately
save time as they move into their lives with their kids.
The key to changing the behavior of children lies in the
ensuing weeks, months, and years. The changes that parents make in their
thinking and behavior must become permanent. There is no short cut to
permanent change. It must become a way of life.
Now, I will grant you that over months and years,
parents will save lots of time for themselves if they take the time to
permanently change their behavior early in their lives as parents. A
child who is taught to feed herself with regard to acceptable manners
and a well balanced diet will be much easier to live with at seventeen.
Once the idea of appropriate manners and eating healthily is well
established in both the mind of the parent and child, it will only take
occasional reminders and reinforcement spaced over time to maintain the
desired behavior in later stages of maturation and development.
Remember this simple adage: "It takes no more time to
develop a good habit than it takes to develop a bad habit!" However
there is one thing to remember about bad habits… to erase a bad habit
takes lots of time; and then… you still must spend the time to develop a
new and desirable habit. If there is a "Quick Fix" to use in raising
children it lies in making permanent changes and developing good habits
as early a possible! Even if it takes more time at the beginning; start
immediately developing good habits in your children and they will last a
lifetime. If you have waited until your kids are in their teens, it may
take more time to develop good habits in your children but every day
that you put off starting means that it will just take longer when you
begin.
In closing, what I am saying is that the only "Quick
Fix" for effective parenting lies in starting to make permanent change
today!
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