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Dear Mac:
Christmas has become so over-commercialized and we are worried that
our family cannot avoid being tainted by the material nature of the
holidays. We have three kids ages seven, six, and four and we are
worried that with all of the advertising about shopping, shopping,
buying gifts, wish lists for Santa, and more shopping, our kids will
become so obsessed by all of the materialism that they will lose the joy
held in the real meaning of Christmas.
How can we combat something that is so completely all encompassing
and invasive in our society? The materialism is everywhere and we are
afraid that our kids will think we are Scrooges if we try to limit our
family's participation in all of the hoopla.
My wife and I have discussed limiting the gifts we give in our family to
one per child or placing a dollar limit on the gifts exchanged in our
family but that really seems to be almost as bad because the message is
still about material value. Can you help us? We know that Christmas does
not have to be this way.
Sincerely,
Dad "the Santa of Our House"
___________________
Dear "Santa Dad",
I believe that there is hope for you and your
family! Christmas can be one of the best times of year for teaching
children that happiness is an attitude of choice. What a great time for
teaching your children that in their family, each member gets to decide
how to celebrate any special day.
Follow along as I try to give you some suggestions
for taking control of the meaning of Christmas in your own home.
First, you do not say anything about your personal
religion so I will refrain from pushing any one religious belief. That
being said, if you are Christian, this holiday has some very specific
significance. If you are having a difficult time trying to establish the
true meaning of this particular holiday (or any other holiday for that
matter) consult your Priest or Minister in your church or place of
worship, and seek guidance for scripture references that tell the story
of how Christmas all began with the birth of Jesus Christ. It might even
be fun to invite your Pastor or Priest to your house for dinner or for a
brief desert and ask if he/she would be willing to lead a brief
devotional or discussion about the true meaning of Christmas. I am sure
that most religious leaders would be flattered and honored to do this
with your family.
If your family is not Christian, then your dilemma
might be a bit more challenging because this celebration is not based in
your faith. This does not mean that you cannot discuss the origin of the
holiday. Then you could lead your children in a discussion of the
tradition of giving to others. I have a number of non-Christian friends
who celebrate this holiday by exchanging gifts, and decorating a tree. A
nice tradition for your family might be to invite a Christian family
over for a get-together one night during the season so that they could
explain what Christmas means to them. Then agree with that family to
have them over during Chanukah (or some other Holiday of religious
significance to your family) another week, where your family will share
the meaning and significance of your celebration. (This process could be
devoted to any other religious celebration.)
Now let's deal with the very real and almost
overwhelming pressure of the materialistic nature of Christmas in our
society. I genuinely agree with you that the pressures of all of the
marketing of this season could create a difficult situation for any
parents regardless of your religious preference. The message is
everywhere. You cannot drive down the street without being bombarded
with adds about the perfect gift. Turn on the radio and it is more of
the same. Go to the grocery store and it is, "Buy this for the
Holidays!" everywhere. Turn on the television and every add is chanting
the same mantra, "Buy this for a loved one!" At school I am sure that
your children are continually involved in discussions with classmates of
their wish lists for Santa. Well-meaning Grandmas and Grandpas are
asking them, "Well, what do you want for Christmas?"
I agree that his can become overwhelming for
children, and, I believe that you and your wife are right to be a bit
worried. However this is not hopeless. Like I always say, the ideas in
your head will rule your world, and the ideas in the heads of your
children will rule their world! So take control of the idea that will
rule the world of your family.
Here is a way that we chose to develop an idea in
all of the heads in our family. One year when our children were in their
early years in school, we too were worried, just as you are, about the
spiraling material nature of Christmas. Just like you, we were worried
about the effect all of this materialism was having on our children.
Then we stumbled upon one of the best ideas kind of by chance.
Barbara was a teacher at a middle school and I was
a teacher at the high school at the time and in both of our schools
there were campaigns going on to collect food and gifts for the needy.
At Walla Walla High School where I was teaching, each homeroom, if they
chose to, could adopt a local needy family, and collect food and gifts
for them. It was all very confidential. Our students were not allowed to
know the name of the family for whom they were collecting gifts but at
our school it had become quite competitive with home rooms all trying to
outdo each other with how much they could collect for "their family".
My homeroom had collected boxes and boxes of food.
One day they took up a collection and purchased a turkey for the family
to cook on Christmas. A list was circulated of the ages and sizes of the
children in "our family". The students in my homeroom shopped for these
children. They had decided that even though this was a family in need of
clothes and food, that they would make sure that each of the children
would also receive at least two toys as gifts, in addition to the food
and clothing we were collecting.
Finally, about three days before Christmas all of
the packages were assembled in my classroom and all of the food was
boxed and ready for the Good Will people to pick it up and deliver it to
"our family" the next day.
That night Barbara and I were delivered a
wonderful gift for our family! That night in our little town of Walla
Walla, Washington, it snowed almost two feet! School was cancelled for
the last two days before the Christmas break and we were not able to go
to school. However, the snow presented one small problem for all of the
gifts for the needy families.
In my classroom at school were all of the gifts
for "our family" and among the gifts were a frozen turkey and some
perishable fruits and vegetables for their Christmas dinner sitting in
an ice chest. They would not keep forever. I called the Good Will office
to see if they could still pick up our gifts for delivery to our family
and they informed me that they were in a real fix… all of their trucks
had gone out that morning and all were stuck in the two feet of snow!
There was no way that they could pick up our gifts for a couple of days.
Therein lay the blessing for our family but none
of us realized it yet. I asked Good Will if they could give me the
address for the family so we could deliver the gifts ourselves. Their
reply was, "Oh, could you possibly do that? That would be such a help to
us!" And they gladly game me the address.
Our family was blessed that snowy evening. We all
loaded into the pickup and went down to the school and carried all of
our gifts out to the truck. The generosity of my homeroom filled the bed
of our pickup to overflowing. We made our way through the snow to the
home of the family where the gifts were to be delivered.
It was nearly dark in the house when our family
went up to knock on the door. I will never forget that night. A husband
and wife came to the door and I announced to them that we had some
Christmas gifts for them from a local high school class. I asked if we
could bring them in. They were so shocked that they could not answer for
a moment. Then with their permission, our whole family began to carry
the gifts into their house. The mother could not contain herself. She
just burst into tears. The father pulled me aside and told me that this
was a miracle for his family because he had been laid off and they were
not going to have a Christmas this year! All of their money had to go
for rent, heat, and what little food they could afford.
However the real miracle that night might have
been what was happening in our family! Certainly the family receiving
the gifts from the generous kids in my class was a miracle for them that
year and I would not discount that. However, in our family the idea that
would rule our world forever was forming in our hearts! We were all
experiencing the real and honest joy that comes from giving! We were all
experiencing what joy comes from giving to others. In this case we were
just the lucky messengers for all of my students but it changed all of
us forever.
Since that time our family has always adopted
another family at Christmas. We do just like my homeroom did that year.
We seek out the address of a needy family in our community, collect
gifts for them and deliver them anonymously through a school, church, or
the Good Will. The picture of those grateful children, that sobbing
mother, and the words of gratitude from that father in that house in
Walla Walla, that snowy night years ago are all burned into our minds
and hearts forever.
Now that our two sons have their own families they
have continued the tradition with their young families. They now adopt a
family at Christmas too. Their children have an idea in their heads that
will rule their world and will always combat the bombardment of Material
Christmas! Their children will always know that Christmas is a time when
their family gathers and collects gifts for someone less fortunate than
themselves. Their hearts will always be full of the feeling of giving to
others at this wonderful time of year. What a gift they are giving to
their children.
Just imagine what Christmas would be like in this
world if every family would gather together at one time of year and give
a gift from the heart to another family. For families of affluence, they
could give gifts of food, clothing, and toys. For families of less
material wealth they could give the gift of a song or the gift of
appreciation for the gift that they have been given.
The materialism of Christmas can only be defeated
by a better idea! At this time of year, teach your family what it means
to really know the joy of giving to others. Adopt a family and let your
three kids select gifts for those less fortunate than them. This way the
materialism of Christmas will not overwhelm them but rather build in
them a stronger sense of community and care for their fellow man
Sincerely,
Mac and Barbara Bledsoe
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